About SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS) - The Missing Step in Parenting

Language of Listening™ is that simple recipe for parenting and personal growth they said didn’t exist.

It’s simple because it always starts with one thing: SAY WHAT YOU SEE™ – the missing step in parenting that allows you to understand and connect with your child first.

Saying what you see is always the right thing to do because it comes from the child. Seeing is the key. Since what you see is different for each situation, what you say is, too. Rather than teaching what to say, we teach how to see. As one parent said, “It’s like learning to see with new eyes.”

How can saying what you see change any moment with a child into a rewarding one?

As you follow your child’s lead by saying what you see, you will begin to see the world from your child’s point of view. This is one of the delicious joys of parenting. Of course your child is spirited – when everything is amazingly important, exciting and happening right now, who wouldn’t be?

Sometimes your child’s spirited behavior is something you like and sometimes it’s not. Here’s where your guidance come in to help your child navigate the world. This is where you take the lead.

When you see something you like, add the STRENGTH by pointing out what your child did that proved it. When you see something you don’t like, add a CAN DO to give your child an acceptable alternative. Remember, you have already connected first with SAY WHAT YOU SEE™ (SWYS). Adding strengths and can dos are the guidance part of the recipe that helps children see their strengths and solve their own problems in a way that’s OK with you.

For example, when it’s time to put away toys, it might sound like this:

SWYS: “You lined those pieces up and grouped them by color.”
STRENGTH: “That’s organized.”
SWYS: “Looks like you want to finish organizing…”
Boundary: “…and it’s time for dinner.”
CAN DO: “You can find a stopping place now and finish organizing after you eat.”

Where “Stop playing, and come to the table now!” would create resistance, the respect you model by understanding first, acknowledging the child’s strength, and giving the child some say in ending the play, produces respect and cooperation back. Better recipe; better results.

Because it is the language of the present moment, saying what you see allows you to see where the child is in any activity, see strengths you might’ve missed, and see can dos that will work for you and the child. At first, you can model can dos, but once children get the pattern, all you need to say is, “Must be something you can do…,” and they create solutions on their own. Voilà! Creative problem solving becomes another strength to add.

When children recognize and identify with their strengths, they act accordingly. Children naturally like to do things they are proud of. No prodding needed. Shifting behaviors by shifting beliefs is the hallmark of the Language of Listening™.

The Language of Listening™ not only accelerates personal growth for your child, it does the same for you. When seeing your child’s strengths and offering can dos is a struggle for you, your child has led you to a point of personal growth. Saying what you see to yourself takes you on from there.

Your child is spirited, you are worldly. Parenting is where the two meet. You have much to learn from each other. The new world you can create starts here: SAY WHAT YOU SEE.™

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