No More Lies
Children turn to lies when they don’t have any other way to get what they want or need. Offer them a way to meet their needs (without giving up your boundaries) or a strong dose of understanding, and they don’t lie. When lying has begun, you can reverse it by helping them see why they would lie and by giving them an alternative approach.
Little kids are honest to a fault. When asked why they lie to get something, most little children will tell you, “I really wanted it!” It seems plain as day to them. Why else would an honest kid tell a story to get something?
Rather than asking, “Why did you lie?” which leaves a child feeling dishonest, it’s up to the parent to help the child find out why an honest kid would feel he or she needed to. When you look at what led up to the lie, there’s a good chance that the child had already exhausted all the honest alternatives but none had worked.
After asking directly, the child had probably even tried switching the words “I want it,” to “I need it,” and it still didn’t work. After trying these approaches time and time again, what else is a kid to do?
Children really don’t know, so it is up to you to give them some honest alternatives. Basically, a child lying is a parent’s cue to help brainstorm some honest solutions.
SWYS: “You really wanted that and nothing you said or did worked, so you found something that did.”
CAN DO: “Making up a story about what you did is not OK with me, but there must be something you can do that is.”
“You want two snacks today really badly, and you can only have one. Rats! You wish you could have two every day, or even three or four…snacks everywhere you turn, any time you want, a whole room full of snacks. Snacks falling out of the cupboards – sweet ones, chocolate ones, crunchy ones, blue ones, orange ones. I know! You can pretend they are everywhere and that you get to eat them all!”
By now little ones usually join in, add their own ideas, and keep pretending until they are done. Brainstorming with a child even in pretend shows the child you understand how much he/she wants something and that it’s OK to want it, which believe it or not, is really the point anyway.
Say What You See Book
