Open to Learning
Welcome to our new parenting blog! Moving to our new website came with lots of learning challenges for me. It reminded me of what our kids face daily in school.
Here’s an example of how to support your child when learning looks too difficult to try. (It’s from the new version of the SAY WHAT YOU SEE book that I’m writing right now. I’ve added a section just for examples. If you would like to contribute your own successful SWYS moments to the book and get a free copy when it’s published, Contact Us right away for details.)
If your child appears to be “avoiding” learning, rethink avoidance. All children love to learn, they just don’t like to fail. For some failing becomes a huge risk, but it never stops them fully. Saying what you see can reveal the way your child has found to keep learning. Naming it puts your child back in touch with that STRENGTH.
A friend was telling me about her 7-year old daughter who was “behind in reading.” To the mom,“she won’t try,” was how it looked; ”she doesn’t want to learn,” was what it meant. This was the same child who as a baby “wouldn’t try to walk,” but at 16 mo. suddenly took off running.
I turned to the child who was fascinated by a home decorating show on TV and began to say what I saw:
SWYS: “You’re interested in that show.”
Child: “It’s only adults doing the work.”
SWYS: “You noticed there were no kids working.”
Child: “Kids could paint.”
STRENGTH: “You found something kids could do.”
Child: “They could paint the ceiling.”
SWYS: “You think they could paint way up there.”
Child: “They’ve got long handles for that.”
STRENGTH: “You know how that works. You learned that by watching.”
She returned to watching and began reporting back to us things she had learned. Learning is natural for kids. Starting where the child is – learning by watching – and pointing out his or her learning STRENGTH would allow the child to gain the confidence needed to eventually try something without knowing how first.
In this child’s case, a CAN DO for reading would be to allow her to learn by watching you sound out words. If you do this pressure free and focus only on her successes, she will volunteer her own efforts sooner and sooner until she begins sounding out words on her own. It could sound like this:
SWYS: “You only needed to watch me make that ‘sh’ sound once, and now you recognize it.”
STRENGTH: “You learn by watching.”
Child: “Here’s another one.”
STRENGTH: “Now that you know it, you’re finding it in other words on the page.”
Saying what you see, pointing out how children already learn, and pointing out their successes can get them back in touch with the fact that they like to learn. These are the foundation steps required to open doors to other ways of learning, including doors that seem closed, like trial and error.
Say What You See Book
