Stubborn. Now what?

Stubborn. Now what?

Does stubbornness run in your family? If you are seeing it in your child, you might think they got it from you. Each time I am asked what to do about a stubborn child, my answer is the same: SAY WHAT YOU SEE®. Stubborn is one of those things that we are sure we "see," but is not really happening. However, it is what we are thinking. The descriptive nature of SAY WHAT YOU SEE gets you out of your...

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“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

Do you dread hearing, "I hate you. You're Mean!" from your normally sweet child? Here's what's behind it and a reply to turn things around. What's Behind It Kids often say "I hate you. You're Mean!" to parents, grandparents, or other children in a boundary situation when they can't do or have something they want. Particularly if that phrase troubles you or you have made it a taboo, they say it...

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“I’m gonna hit him”

“I’m gonna hit him”

My preschooler came out of her room and stomped once. I carried her back to bed. As I turned to leave, she called out: “When we were camping, C wanted to be alone, and I kept at him, and he hurt me. He hit me first. I hit him second. Next time we go camping, I'm going to hurt C.” “Then I'm afraid we can't go camping with C,” I said gently, hoping she would see the error in her ways (but...

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Bedtime—Kicking to Stay Awake

Bedtime—Kicking to Stay Awake

Question: My son basically only hits /pinches/ kicks to avoid going to sleep. Any advice on how to facilitate this behavior without facilitating the procrastination? (For instance, if I redirect him to kick the bed instead of me, then he'll kick the bed for literally half an hour or more if I let him, no matter how tired he is).—Mom (child age 2), Austin, TX Answer: Thank you for your...

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Dismantling Problems

Dismantling Problems

Not all problems are problems, unless you are an imperfectionist. Then all problems are equal, and each one "has to" be fixed. When I woke up staring at the dead bugs in my ceiling lamp, I suddenly realized that despite all the growth I've had around perfectionism, at first glance, I was still seeing problems everywhere I looked! Little ones and big ones that all needed to be solved—dead...

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Rage Reversal—Getting Kids Heard

Rage Reversal—Getting Kids Heard

In an instant, his world flipped 180 degrees. My son transformed from serene and peaceful to boiling rage. My mouth collapsed to the concrete as I stood in the parking lot of my daughter’s preschool. His voice thundered. His eyes intensified. His face turned crimson red. On the outside I was fighting to stay calm, but on the inside I was terrified. His anger explosions seem to come out of the...

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