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SAY WHAT YOU SEE®
for Parents and Teachers

Written and Illustrated by Sandra R. Blackard

Third Edition--Revised 2008



Picture of Say What You See
SAY WHAT YOU SEE
®
is available as a 55 page printed booklet.

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Table of Contents



Acknowledgment

SAY WHAT YOU SEE® simplifies, integrates and expands on communication techniques and concepts commonly used by play therapists as they were generously presented to me by a true hero for all children, Dr. Garry L. Landreth, in person and in his books including, Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship, Second Edition. New York, Brunner-Routledge, 2002. I would also like to acknowledge my family and friends for their years of enthusiastic support, and all of the children in my life who have reminded me what it is like to be a child.

Throughout the text, direct quotes from Dr. Landreth are indicated by a superscript L  ( L ).




Additional Training

If you liked this book, you will love YOU & ME PLAYTIME TM! It's a one-on-one time you spend with your child in a creative play setting intensely using the SAY WHAT YOU SEE
® skills presented in this book. In your thirty uninterrupted minutes together once a week, deep and lasting connections are forged. Join a growing number of parents across the country discovering the wonders of YOU & ME PLAYTIME TM.





Language of Listening®


Copyright © 2005-07
Sandra R. Blackard
All rights reserved.

 www.languageoflistening.com

Part II: 

How to SAY WHAT YOU SEE




Demonstrating Understanding


Body language is an important part of saying what you see.  Along with your words, your actions and facial expressions must match the child's mood. Use your arms, hands and face to express intense emotion, or keep a calm, quiet demeanor to match concentration. Body language helps us demonstrate understanding to children.

Body language includes getting down to the child's level. Be aware that to a child, an adult looking down over crossed arms feels like judgment. Seat yourself next to the child at a table or desk, kneel on bended knee, or sit on the floor with the child when possible. Watch intently to understand; remember "eyes equal ears to a child."L

When you are down at the child's level, you can begin to SAY WHAT YOU SEE. Your objective observations will incorporate what you see, hear, and otherwise sense. Saying what you see is the basic building block of understanding.  It's the one thing that can change a bad moment with a child into a rewarding one:

SAY WHAT YOU SEE block

The best part, for those of us who may be concerned about saying the right thing, is that saying what we see takes the pressure off of us. What to say always comes directly from the child. We are there simply to hear the child's perspective and let the child know that we heard.

While listening, do not give answers or try to teach; instead you are there to learn from the child about the child. If needed, teaching can come later, after you show that the child's point of view is understood. If a child is not listening, you need to listen to the child first. Children cannot listen until they are heard.

To put a child at ease and provide the listening that is needed, set your intentions on observing without directing. Simply follow the child's lead. Allow children to decide how near to you to stand, and let them direct the conversation or activity. Children need to feel safe to communicate.
Simon says
Make observations using statements, not questions. Sometimes we use questions to appear polite or to avoid being wrong and mistake this for keeping the child in the lead. A great thing about children is that when you say what you see, children know you are listening to understand, and they make sure you do. If something matters to them, they won't let you get it wrong.

Statements encourage communication and help us follow the child's lead. Questions can feel threatening and inhibit a child's expression, as though there is a "right" answer.
Hand with rock
Questions such as, "What's in your hand?" or "Why are you holding that rock?" tend to cause a quick hand-behind-the-back response. Whereas, the non-threatening statement, "You've got a rock," encourages a flow of information like, "It's MY rock. I found it with my Grandpa when we went for a walk in the woods. My dog was there; his name is Chips. My mommy doesn't like dogs…"


Girl looking out windowQuestions also carry assumptions. Even something as innocent as, "What do you want to do next?" reveals our pervasive adult perspective by assuming the child has a plan. Alternatively, saying what we see keeps us present and open to the child's perspective as in, "Looks like you're done with that." Free from external pressure to make a decision, the child can say, "Yep!" and begin to look around for something else to do or just relax for a minute and stare out the window.


Questions can also be directive. Questions like, "Don't you think scissors would work better for cutting out that circle?" direct the child to do something the adult way rather than encourage creativity.

Tearing paper around circleInstead, when you say what you see as in, "You're tearing the paper around that circle," the child can tell you, "I like the way the edges look. They make my circle look like the sun," or the child can say, "This isn't working. I need scissors." Either way, the child's opinions and problem solving skills are encouraged.

The final type of counterproductive question is the non-question. We usually use this one when we are annoyed and far from seeing the good in the child. Non-questions are basically a way to deliver criticism or introduce a lecture as in, "What are you doing in there?" Appropriately, non-questions result in defensive non-answers like, "Nothing!" To put children at ease and get real information, back-up and simply say what you see as in, "I hear banging noises in there." You might actually get an answer like, "I just accidentally knocked some books off the shelf," or a self-correction like, "Sorry. I'll be more careful next time."

Most questions distance us from children. We see something, our thought processes automatically tack on our perspectives and opinions, and a question pops out. When we add this extra layer of adult mental processing, the result is a disconnection with the child. To reconnect, even after a question has popped out, back-up and state the observation that gave rise to the question — simply say what you saw. Kids always allow do-overs.

Notes

Demonstrating Understanding

heart bullet "Eyes equal ears to a child."L

heart bullet Children cannot listen until they are heard.

heart bullet To demonstrate understanding, SAY WHAT YOU SEE.

heart bullet Follow the child's lead.

heart bullet Match the child's mood with your words, actions, and facial expressions.

heart bullet Use statements instead of questions to make observations.
Example:
"You've got a rock."






SAYing WHAT YOU SEE


SAY WHAT YOU SEE applies directly to what the child is DOING, SAYING, FEELING, and THINKING:

DOING
When you way what you see the child doing, focus on the process, not the product. Adults tend to think the point of working with craft materials or building blocks is to create a specific thing. Children may simply enjoy the experience of the moment.

Saying what we see helps us stay in the moment with the child. It returns us to the experience of making marks on crisp, white paper or handling soft, cool play dough and allows the children we watch to create more freely. With crayons, statements like, "You are drawing blue, back and forth across the top of the paper, coloring really fast," and "You're working carefully to color in that shape, covering all the little white spaces that are showing through," or with clay, "You pressed really hard right there and made a hole," and "You're squishing the clay between your fingers," demonstrate that we are paying close attention to what matters to the child at the moment. Understanding builds deep connections.

The connection is especially clear with younger children who will often test you playfully to see what they can get you to say. For example after hearing the observation, "You poked Finger poking clayyour finger into that play dough," the child might look up expectantly and poke it again, just to see if you will respond. You'll know it's a game if when you say, "You poked it again!" the child breaks into a giggle and pokes it yet again. As long as you are willing to play the poking-looking-giggling game, it will continue. Child-led, spontaneous games like these are a great way to connect with young children.

For older children who already focus on the product, you may identify finished objects as needed to let them know you understand their intentions. At the same time, be sure to point out the mental and physical processes of the moment. For example, "You're making a house. Looks like you know what you're doing. You're Drawing of houseadding a door right there. I see you're concentrating on making the lines very straight. And there's the door handle. Now you're adding brightly colored curtains to the windows; now a garden with three kinds of flowers; and there (point), a bird flying overhead. You decided to add lots of details to get it just the way you wanted!" Saying what you see helps children appreciate their efforts and abilities and increases their self-confidence.

SAYING
Saying what you see the child saying is done in two ways: repeating exactly what the child says or rephrasing it. In either case, be sure to use the same important words or phrases the child uses. Words often have special meanings to children; using their own words says you understand. Firetruck

For example, if a child runs to you excitedly and says that a big fire truck just zoomed by, repeat by saying enthusiastically, "A big fire truck just zoomed by!" or rephrase by saying, "It was big, and it zoomed!" This will draw a quick nod from the child and possibly more information like, "I want to be a fireman when I grow up!"

The shorter your response, the better. All children will confirm with body or voice when you are right. They can't help it. Watching for physical responses and noticing when your comments open the door for further communication will keep you on track. Don't worry about missing a word or phrase that matters to children. When children know you are interested, they will repeat it for you.

FEELING
When you say what you see the child feeling, the most important thing to remember is to accept all feelings, even those you don't like. Saying what you see celebrates emotions like joy and pride and validates other emotions like sadness and anger. It also helps us contain our need to make everything all better, which in turn strengthens children's abilities to solve their own problems and/or handle disappointments.

Proud girl holding drawingUsing a tone that matches the child's mood, simply say what you see the child feeling, taking clues from the child's demeanor and what the child does and says. For example, "You feel proud of the way you drew that!" or "You're feeling sad about losing your dog. You wish it would come back," or "You just squashed that snowman flat! You feel angry when you can't make the play dough do what you want." Hand smashing clay(Notice the part about how nice the snowman was is missing?)

Say what you see to let a child know you understand and to send the message, "It is OK to feel what you feel. You can handle these emotions. You will be able to calm yourself when you are ready."

Remember first, that the expression of feelings is a communication, and second, that children must continue to communicate until they are understood. Saying what you see tells them you understand. If children choose inappropriate methods to express their feelings like hitting people or breaking things, you can add a CAN DO as presented later on this page to help them find an appropriate outlet.

A third point to remember is that children are always right about how they feel.  Extreme emotional reactions that seem out of line are never about the problem at hand. The level of the reaction isn't wrong; the source is.

For example, if a child has a meltdown reaction to a sibling taking a toy, it's not about the toy. It's more likely to be about a series of unresolved toy snatchings and the consequent feeling of having no control over life in general. While loss of one toy may not warrant a meltdown, feeling helpless in life does. It's a very scary feeling!

Regardless of the source of the upset, to help a child accept extreme feelings and calm down, say what you see in a tone that matches the desperate feelings of the moment. Adding the observation, "You calmed yourself!" when the child has completely recovered will help the child recognize self-control, which is the first step toward regaining a sense of control over life.

Child with puzzle and tissues


Children are also always right about what they like and don't like, and what they want and don't want. In fact, the child is the only one who really knows. So rather than telling a protesting child, "Of course you like bananas. You just ate one yesterday," and suffering the escalating proof of the child spitting out the food or even gagging, try validating the dislike by saying what the child feels as in, "You don't want it. You don't even like it, and here it is, part of your lunch!"

The child's first response might be agreement, "Yea, and I'm not eating it!" But, if you continue saying what you see with, "You're not eating it! No way," in a few minutes you just might hear, "Well, maybe I'll just take one bite..." as the child proceeds to eat the whole thing. With no need to defend or prove a dislike, kids sometimes change their minds. Validation allows kids to experiment with likes and dislikes until permanent tastes are formed.

Child eating bannana

Once formed, personal likes and dislikes should be respected and honored whenever possible. When this is not possible, as in school drop-offs, medicine, or shots, validate the child's upset by saying what the child feels as in, "You really don't like getting shots. You remember they hurt. You wish you never had to have any." The more the child feels understood, the easier the experience will be for everyone involved.

THINKING

Saying what you see the child thinking is a way to check your understanding of a child's perspective. Again taking clues from the child's demeanor and what the child does and says, say what the child appears to be thinking. 

Child pointing at parkThese statements are about the child's thoughts and intentions, not yours. They help confirm that you understand.

"Looks like," "sounds like," and "seems like" can be used to introduce these observations. For example, "Looks like you want to go to the park," or "Sounds like you don't want to be here," or "Seems like you want me to do something," invite clarification. When children feel at ease rather than interrogated, they will often provide whatever information is needed to help you understand.


Notes

SAYing WHAT YOU SEE

heart bullet To respond to doing, focus on the process, not the product.
Example:
"You are drawing blue, back and forth across the top of the paper, coloring really fast."

heart bullet To respond to saying, repeat or rephrase using the child's important words and phrases.
Examples:
"A big fire truck just zoomed by!"
"It was big, and it zoomed!"

heart bullet To respond to feeling, validate all feelings, even those you don't like.
Example:
"You're feeling sad about losing your dog.  You wish it would come back."

heart bullet To respond to thinking, say what the child appears to be thinking.
Start with:
"Looks like..."  "Sounds like..."  "Seems like..."





Adding STRENGTHs



For children to see their strong points, we must see them first. Centering responses point out children's strengths. They are responses that strengthen a child's sense of self and build self-confidence. Centering responses are all about the child.

Centering reduces dependence on outside approval, which reduces the negative effects of peer pressure later in a child's life. If we raise children to live for our approval, we are inadvertently setting them up for difficulties in their pre-teen and teen years.

Middle school and high school years are the years when children begin to build their own community of peers with whom they will navigate the rest of their lives. Child who knows the right thing to do Peer approval naturally replaces previously established adult approval in their lives and will have the same degree of influence on their decisions.

Teaching children how to say no will not work if their sense of self depends on outside approval. Our use of centering responses helps children grow up looking inward rather than to others to decide what's right for them.

To help children become centered and look inward, use objective acknowledgment rather than praise whenever possible. Children act according to who they believe they are, just as we do. If I believe I am a parent or teacher, I will work to become a good role model for children; if I believe I am an artist, I will draw; if children believe they are good learners, they will pursue a college degree; if children believe they are considerate, they will become aware of other's feelings. etc. Acknowledgment affirms who the child is.

Our beliefs about whom we are come most often from our successes and failures — those of which we are aware. By watching for and acknowledging children's successes, we can make children aware of their inner strengths so they can define themselves accordingly.

Acknowledgment has far greater impact on a child's idea of self than praise. Praise is about what we think and what we like; acknowledgment is about the child. Acknowledgment builds confidence because it says who the child is, not just what we think.

Children accept praise only if they already agree. If children have a different opinion of themselves, praise can break trust. For example, if we praise children for being smart or pretty and they don't already believe they are, they may either think we're just being nice and won't be able to trust us to tell them the truth, or they will think we don't understand them. In both cases, their belief that to be accepted they have to be something they are not will be confirmed. For building self-confidence and connecting with children, acknowledgment is the best choice.

To acknowledge a child objectively, SAY WHAT YOU SEE and add a STRENGTH:

SAY WHAT YOU SEE and STRENGTH blocks

By adding a strength after saying what you see, you tie your comment to an immediate, objective observation and provide the  child with proof instead of your opinion. Saying for example, "You read the textbook and figured out how to solve the math problem yourself. That shows you are a good learner," makes the child's intelligence undeniable.

Girl holding tinkertoyAll children have every inner strength; they just don't know it. When you want a child to see a particular strength, watch for it in everything the child does.

Start with the basic building block by saying what you see, then name the strength to prove to a child it's there. For example, "You finished making that even though you seemed frustrated at times. That shows you are determined," or "You told me right away that you spilled the milk. That shows you are responsible."   (Additional strengths include: appreciative, brave, careful, truthful, considerate, team player, tenacious, etc.)

Acknowledgement helps teenagers see their strengths, too.  To help teenagers recognize their ability to dress appropriately, for example, you need to see it first.  This can be hard, especially if you don't like a teen's clothing choices.  But if the clothes are accepted somewhere like the teen's school, you can say, "You know I don't like the way you dress, but you seem to choose clothes that are allowed by the school.  That tells me you know how to dress apropriately for the situation."  Teenagers who believe they can dress appropriately will have an easier time choosing a suit for an interview or a modest outfit for a funeral than those who believe they can't.  

Sometimes you might not realize you saw an example of a strength until later. No matter; kids allow do-overs. You can go back at any time, say what you saw, and name the strength then. Children love it when they hear that they've gotten your attention even when they were not with you. Similarly, if you hear yourself use praise, follow it immediately with an acknowledgment of what you saw and add the strength it represented. The evidence presented in the acknowledgement will validate the praise.

Additional centering comments to use when you say what you see include: "You did that just the way you wanted to!"L "It's what you think that matters!"L and "You stopped yourself!"L Picture children growing up with powerful thoughts like these to guide them. Teens and pre-teens that believe their opinions matter and believe they have self-control look inward rather than to peers for approval.
Girl with positive thoughts

Notes

Adding STRENGTHs

heart bullet For children to see their strengths, we must see them first.

heart bullet Acknowledgment builds confidence because it says who the child is, not just what we think.

heart bullet To acknowledge a child, SAY WHAT YOU SEE and add a STRENGTH.
Example:
"You told me right away that you spilled the milk.  That shows you are responsible."

heart bullet Centering responses point out children's strengths.
"You did that just the way you wanted to!"L

"It's what you think that matters!"L

"You stopped yourself!"L





Adding CAN DOs

Defining boundaries for children’s behavior is often the biggest challenge for parents and teachers.  None of us wants to be mean or be the bad guy stopping kids from getting what they want or need.  What we want is for children to learn to control themselves, so we can enjoy their company as we raise them and teach them.

Children need rules.  Rules create boundaries that provide children with the opportunity to experience self-control.  By bumping into boundaries, children learn they have the ability to stop themselves.  Rules are centering because they allow children to master self-control.

Kids seem to know this instinctively.  Watch a child walk down a sidewalk; how long before the child makes up a rule about not stepping on cracks?  Or at any time, “Last one there is a rotten egg!”  Kids call their rules games; we, on the other hand, tend to call our rules mean.
Girl skipping cracks on sidewalk
To shift this kind of thinking, consider walls:  although they don’t appear the slightest bit mean, walls are boundaries.  Walls block children’s access to rooms.Smiling wall Children can’t walk through walls, but they usually don’t get upset about it—walls just are.  Effective rules are like walls.

We want the rules we make for children to be objective statements of what is.  The way we state a rule and how consistently we apply it establish its nature as a wall.  When subjective or inconsistent, our rules are like doors.  Doors sometimes open and sometimes don’t.  While children may cry and beat on a door to make it open, they don’t often spend time beating on a wall.  Children accept walls.

The first step for making rules is clarifying your own boundaries.  Beyond the standard rules you make for your child’s safety, you need to determine what boundaries to set for your own sanity.  If you have been taught to put others’ wishes first, defining boundaries to maintain personal comfort is hard.  But, isn’t that what you want for your children? 
Parent and child having pillow fight
If you are not sure where to begin, start with noticing what is OK with you and what isn’t.  While a child banging a toy against your couch cushion might not be hurting anything, if it doesn’t feel right to you, you can say, “I don’t like that.  I don’t know why, I just don’t like it,” and find something that the child can do like bang the toy against a bedroom pillow.  If you have time, a pillow fight would be even better and completely take the child’s focus off of the couch.

For children to respect their own likes and dislikes and stay out of compromising situations, you need to give yourself permission to make rules that Child screaming outside reflect your personal boundaries. For example, I don't like loud noises, so I have rules for the noise levels in my house and my car  screaming is for outdoors.

Role-modeling acceptance of your personal boundaries equals role-modeling self-respect. Your children will do as you do.

In making rules, to help determine if you should allow a behavior, ask yourself, "Can I consistently allow this?" On the other hand, to avoid over-restricting children's behavior, ask yourself, "Is this rule needed?"

When you make a rule, omit the reasons.  Explaining why to gain children’s cooperation often backfires.  Reasons create an opening for debate and manipulation.  If you say, “Balls are not for throwing in the house because you might break something,” you can expect children to defend their throwing skills with words, “But I won’t break anything!” or with actions like throwing the ball lower next time rather than stopping.  When in doubt, remember the wall analogy:  walls aren’t for walking through — no need to say why.

When children question your rules with, “Why?” consider responding, “If you really want to know, I’ll be happy to explain, but if you want me to change my mind, it’s not going to happen.”  The directness of the response brings honesty and openness to the moment. 
 

If the child actually wants to know why, you can state your reason.  If the child then begins to argue, simply say what you see and restate your position, “You think I might change my mind, and I’m not going to.”  Remember to observe the child’s reaction and say what you see as needed until the child feels heard as in, “You are angry with me.  You don’t like my rules.  You wish you could make your own rules.”

To increase cooperation, acknowledge every movement the child makes toward following a rule.  For instance, after you’ve ruled out ball throwing in the house, if the child throws the ball again in a more controlled way, acknowledge the cooperation and restate the rule, “You threw the ball lower this time.  Balls are still not for throwing inside.  They are for outside.”  Children find it easier to cooperate when their good intentions are recognized.

If you find you cannot be consistent with a rule, check to see if your reason might actually be the boundary.  For example, if the more controlled throw works for you, breaking things is actually your boundary, not throwing in the house.  To win cooperation, acknowledge the child for being right and adjust the rule saying, “You found a way to throw the ball that won’t break anything—lower and away from the lamp.  You can throw the ball inside that way.” 
Child throwing ball inside
Wrongly interpreting attempted cooperation as rebellion or rigidly applying rules children know aren’t right, leaves children feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.  Over time, repeated misunderstandings will cause children to lose respect for authority.  You may know teens that will no longer listen or are sure their parents and teachers don’t know anything.  In contrast, repeated understanding and recognition of children’s attempts to cooperate build respect that carries through the teen years.

Once you have established a rule, to gain a child’s cooperation, simply SAY WHAT YOU SEE and add what the child CAN DO

SAY WHAT YOU SEE and CAN DO blocks

When a child is drawing on the wall, the CAN DO sequence sounds like this:  "Looks like you want to draw.  You can draw on this paper.”  In most cases, the rule is clear and does not even need to be stated.
 
Start with the basic building block by saying what you see.  This helps you remain calm and gives you time to think.  Focusing on what the child can do shifts your thinking to the positive:  What is an appropriate way for the child to meet the need or the want?  If you can’t think of a way try, “Hmm.  There must be something you can do,” and turn the problem solving over to the child.  When children recognize that you are on their side, they stop themselves from crossing boundaries, cooperate willingly, and come up with amazingly creative solutions.

Child's drawing on papers taped togetherIf a rule needs to be clarified, particularly for younger children, state the rule using a no-fault, common sense statement like, “The wall is not for drawing on,” and return your focus to what the child can do as in, “You can tape several papers together and put them up on the wall to draw on,” or “You can use your chalk and draw on the fence.”  Use your creativity and your child’s to select an appropriate CAN DO that meets the need.

Child sliding on top of giant ice cream coneIf the need can’t be met here and now, the CAN DO can be a different time like ”after dinner” or “next time” or a different place like “outside” or “at home.”  By fulfilling on your promise of later or elsewhere, you build trust; by focusing on what the child can do, you encourage creativity and affirm, “Where there’s a will there’s way.”

To help children wait, explore what they want in wishes.  For example, “I know you’re hot and hungry and want ice cream right now!  You wish you could have a great big cone, or a whole room full, or an ice cream mountain!  You wish you could slide down through all that cold ice cream!”  It’s easier for kids to wait when someone understands how they feel. Saying what the child can do also avoids the pitfalls of taboos.  Taboos are guaranteed to challenge kids and focus their interest on the problem.

Rather than forbidding things like spitting or saying potty words, offer an alternative place, Child talking in mirror “Sounds like you learned a new word today that you want to say.  You can say it in the bathroom.”  After a few minutes of giggling while shouting it into the mirror, the fascination of the word will wear off.  If it comes up again just say, “Sounds like you’re not done yet.  You can go back in the bathroom and say it until you get it all out!”


Avoid taboos; gain cooperation!

The complete CAN DO sequence for the ball throwing situation mentioned above and a few others sounds like: 

“Looks like you want to throw the ball.  (The ball is not for throwing inside.)  You can throw it outside.”

"I see you are very frustrated and want to tear something!  (The book is not for tearing.)  You can tear yesterday’s newspaper."

Calender with a Saturday circled“You are so angry you want to hit something.  (I am not for hitting.)  You can pretend the pillow is me and hit it as hard as you want!”

“You really want that toy!  (The toy is not for taking from the store without paying.)  You can save up your allowance, and in two weeks you can buy it.”
 

If you hear yourself say, "OK?" after stating a rule as in, “The wall’s not for drawing on, OK?” check to see what you are really asking.  Unless you are willing to change the rule when the child says, “No!” this is a non-question that you will want to avoid.  Clearly you don’t need the child’s permission to define a boundary.  However, if your meaning is, “Do you understand the rule?” then say, “Understand?” instead of “OK?”


The CAN DO sequence is flexible.  Try only saying what you see when the appropriate behavior isChild holding hands out understood.  The fewer words the better.  Instead of saying, “Your dirty clothes are on the floor.  The floor is not for clothes, the laundry basket is,” simply point and say “dirty clothes.”  Likewise for brushing teeth try “teeth,” or for washing hands try “hands.”  In class when children know the rules for quiet time, cleaning up, and pushing chairs up to the table try saying only “talking,” “messy floor,” or “chairs.”  Single word reminders encourage children to think and solve problems on their own.

Child in bathtubSimilarly, when the child’s goals and the rules are understood, feel free to jump straight to what the child can do as in, “You can run outside,” “You can have dessert after you eat your dinner,” or “You can practice pouring in the bathtub.”  The CAN DO helps children cooperate.








Notes

Adding CAN DOs

heart bullet
Effective rules are like walls.

heart button Acknowledge every movement the child makes toward following a rule.

heart button To encourage self-control and creativity, SAY WHAT YOU SEE, and add what the child CAN DO.  
Example:  
"Looks like you want to throw the ball. You can throw it outside." OR "There must be somewhere you can throw it."

heart bullet Avoid taboos; gain cooperation.
Example:
" You can say potty words in the bathroom."

heart bullet Single word reminders encourage children to think and solve problems on their own.
Examples:
"Teeth."  "Hands."  "Talking."






Next:  Part III.  Conclusion

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© Sandra R. Blackard 2005-07

Sandra Blackard -- Language of Listening® -- http://www.languageoflistening.com