Posts Tagged "connection"

Tantrum Relief — Meeting the Three Basic Needs

Tantrum Relief — Meeting the Three Basic Needs

The difference between the Language of Listening® approach to dealing with tantrums and that of most other programs is basically this: in a tantrum, others try to calm children down; we facilitate tantrums in a way that allows children to calm themselves down. It all starts with the Three Basic Needs for Growth: experience, connection and power. Here's how to meet those needs to facilitate a...

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SAY WHAT YOU SEE® with Older Kids and Teens

SAY WHAT YOU SEE® with Older Kids and Teens

It's actually not as different as you might think to SAY WHAT YOU SEE® (SWYS) with kids in upper elementary, middle school, high school and beyond. There is usually less of a focus on the details of what they are doing at any moment, and more on what they're saying, feeling, and thinking about what they are doing. That means taking them at their word and being on the same team. For example,...

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Easy Brain Hack: Reversing Guilt

Easy Brain Hack: Reversing Guilt

Yesterday morning, my mom and I were talking about the phrase "I should have known..."   It's a family story, full of self-blame, passed down and shared between and within generations. The main problem with this phrase is that it implies that you're somehow wrong for not knowing something. Think about that a minute. At any moment, you either know something or you don't. That's just the nature...

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The Importance of Validation

The Importance of Validation

Validation by SAYing WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS) is one of the simplest and most effective coaching skills. This is true in any interpersonal situation, but especially with kids. I was at a restaurant recently where a large family had gathered for a birthday celebration.  It was the end of the meal, and a little girl (about 4) was running around the table and playing. Suddenly she tripped and fell...

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Mixed-Up Traditions

Mixed-Up Traditions

If you had any rough moments with your children over the holidays, remember that you can still go back, SAY WHAT YOU SEE and reconnect with a do-over. Here's one about mixed-up traditions: During the holiday season, I was overseeing free art time in a 5-year-old classroom. One little girl, Leah, came from a Jewish family that celebrated Hanukkah. However, most of her classmates celebrated...

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