Posts Tagged "crying"

Q & A: Contrary Child

Q & A: Contrary Child

One of our readers, Jab, asked a great question in a comment on "The Importance of Validation" about situations where SAYing WHAT YOU SEE doesn't seem to work. As often happens here at Language of Listening, what started as a quick response turned in to a full-blown blog post! Jab asked: "I’m not having much success with SWYS. I must be missing something about it. For example when my daughter...

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Tantrum Relief — Meeting the Three Basic Needs

Tantrum Relief — Meeting the Three Basic Needs

The difference between the Language of Listening® approach to dealing with tantrums and that of most other programs is basically this: in a tantrum, others try to calm children down; we facilitate tantrums in a way that allows children to calm themselves down. It all starts with the Three Basic Needs for Growth: experience, connection and power. Here's how to meet those needs to facilitate a...

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The Importance of Validation

The Importance of Validation

Validation by SAYing WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS) is one of the simplest and most effective coaching skills. This is true in any interpersonal situation, but especially with kids. I was at a restaurant recently where a large family had gathered for a birthday celebration.  It was the end of the meal, and a little girl (about 4) was running around the table and playing. Suddenly she tripped and fell...

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I’m Not My body!

I’m Not My body!

I just flipped a denial into a reality. The result—BREAKTHROUGH! When I was 8, some newborn kittens died, and I remember crying for hours and hours. This was new. Other pets had died in the past, but I had barely noticed. What happened this time was that I assigned a desperately sad meaning to death and...

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New Perspective on Two’s & Crying Bouts

New Perspective on Two’s & Crying Bouts

Age 2 is challenging for most of us, thus the unfortunate phrase, "terrible two's." It tells us a lot about how we feel about boundaries, crying and expressions of anger. Once you understand your feelings, it gets easier to accept your child's. See if this helps put crying bouts into perspective. As you know, children will not always like your boundaries. But if a boundary feels right to you, is...

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