Picture yourself sitting with a group of 2 YO’s in front of a large room full of parents. The children are squirming and waiting to go back to their classroom.
One little girl has several toys in her lap including a particularly enticing pink sparkle pony, and the little girl sitting next to her, whose current challenge is grabbing toys from other kids, has none.
When you see the grab start, what do you do?
Here’s how I responded to the children. I’ll call them Sarah and Rosa:
When Sarah reached out, Rosa drew back protectively. I caught Sarah in my arms and used SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS) in a whisper to validate her desire to have the pink pony.
SWYS to Sarah: “You really want that pony! You want to have it!”
Sarah: (nods) “I want it.”
SWYS to Sarah: “You want it! Of course you do! You like that pink pony.” (I felt her body start to relax.)
CAN DO to Sarah: “I can ask her if you can have it when she’s done.”
Sarah: (nods)
SWYS to Rosa: “You have that pink pony. When you are done with it, can Sarah play with it?”
Rosa: (nods)
CAN DO to Sarah (with my arms still around her in a relaxed embrace): “You can have it when she’s done. We’ll sit here and wait.”
Sarah waited.
A few seconds later, when Rosa was sure she was in control of the toy, she held out the pony for Sarah. Sarah reached over, took it gently from her hand, hugged it and smiled.
STRENGTH to Sarah: “You waited, and she gave it to you!”
STRENGTH to Rosa: “You shared!”
Peaceful sharing achieved in less than a minute!
2 thoughts on “2 YO’s Sharing Peacefully (in less than a minute)”
Terrific insights; the light bulb moment for me was the validation and acknowledgement expressed for the “grabber” (the child who wants to impulsively grab the toy away). That SWYS opportunity in the eventful moment is the dynamic changer. Validating feelings and needs, then offering the CAN DO. These posts are fantastic. They help me think in new ways and remind me of the many opportunities to use SWYS.
Kate,
Thank you for taking the time to let me know my posts are helpful to you. That means a lot to me! And you understood exactly what I was doing. SAY WHAT YOU SEE is indeed the game changer. When you say what the child is communicating to you by their actions (in this case what she wanted), they know you understand and no longer have to act it out.
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