Done with Not Getting Done

I’ve been doing a lot of Sudoku puzzles lately. I can get several done a night, even when I am too tired to do anything else.

I finally realized why: it’s my own version of backing up for a Running Leap.

That realization helped me isolate a thought behind an extreme feeling of overwhelm I’ve been having about my three major writing projects. The SAY WHAT YOU SEE version of the thought is:

“You feel like you can’t get anything done!”

So, a couple of nights ago, I stayed with that thought and completed two more puzzles.

The next morning, some new thoughts about “reality” showed up. Even though they seemed unrelated to “not getting things done,” I knew to follow their lead. In pondering what makes things seem real to me, I realized it was whether or not they work. Thoughts from childhood streamed in as verification.

I remember wishing that my toys “worked like real.” (Easy-Bake oven – check! Barbie refrigerator – fail!) But what I didn’t realize was that “it works” had become collapsed with “it’s real” in my mind. Having a physical presence didn’t count – to be real, something had to work.

So what does this have to do with getting things done? I’ve always known my definition of “done” was arbitrary, but it turns out that it is “when something works.” Since in my mind, “works” is the same as “real,” I finally got why getting done is such a big deal to me.

My frustration isn’t just about not getting anything done; it is about not being able to make anything real.

Last August, I broke through a belief that “nothing I do works.” The underlying belief that has troubled me for years appears to be “I can’t make anything real.”

As odd as it may seem, simply recognizing the root of my struggle over “not getting anything done” (and completing half a book of puzzles) has eased my frustration about my projects. I’m excited about writing again.

Now, the next phase will be staying with the thought,”You think you can’t make anything real,” and seeing where that takes me.