Bold. Me?

Posted by Sandy in Blog, Coaching You | 1 comment

Would you consider someone who prefers merry-go-rounds to roller coasters, bold? That was me - not bold.

It took Eva, master life coach, to wake me up. Now I know what it feels like to have someone point out a STRENGTH you didn't know you had.

I always thought that being nice or cautious holds you back in life, but what can you do if that's just who you are? Everyone who knows me picks up right away that I am straightforward and authentic, but also nice and cautious. Clearly I'm holding myself back.*

In one short conversation with Eva, she honed in on my concern that I wasn't bold and wanted to be. We went on to discover that I had collapsed "bold" with "not cautious," which later got collapsed with "not nice" and "offensive" - something I can't allow myself to be. I had to laugh when that was uncovered because, I long to be bold - the real bold - but I never saw it in myself. Plus, no matter how cautious I try to be, I'm sure I still end up being offensive at times. We are all everything, even the things we think we can't be.

Anyway, in recognizing the subconscious collapse, it popped apart, so when I consciously began culling out things like "not cautious", "not nice", and "offensive" to clarify what bold really means, it was ALL good. Here's my list:

Bold = strong, confident, liberated, safe, super hero... which are all things I would love to be.

Then the best thing happened. Eva said I already was those things. I blinked twice and suddenly realized she was right. The proof started flooding into my brain, doubtless making new connections with the idea of "bold:"

• I decided to become an art conservator even though there were only 30 slots open each year in the graduate schools in the US. I had had no plan B, and I got in. I have a masters degree in painting conservation/restoration and to this day I still consult for museums on collection care.
• I decided to have children, even though I was terrified of the idea and had to practice by keeping two cats first to assure myself I could keep children alive. Today, I have two grown daughters who have changed my life completely, and I am so grateful!
• I wrote a parent training manual based on what I had learned from Dr. Garry Landreth that resulted in an invitation to co-author the treatment manual for his next book with him and two doctors of Psychology. Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual is being used worldwide to train graduate students to work with parents!
• I founded Language of Listening, developed the Heart Model for parenting and personal growth, and published SAY WHAT YOU SEE, which won a 2012 National Parenting Publications Gold Award!
• Plus, I actually learned to like roller coasters!

It is so weird to suddenly realize that the Universe has been providing proof of a STRENGTH all along, and you still somehow missed it. That's what those challenges we keep creating for ourselves in life are all about - putting us in touch with our STRENGTHs. Sometimes it just takes a good coach to help you see it.

Where has "bold" shown up in your life? Are there STRENGTHs you think you don't have? It might be time to take a look!

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* Did you catch this? The thought "being nice or cautious holds me back" is only one perspective. Another, is that nice and cautious were what allowed me to keep moving forward and experience bursts of boldness. Sound familiar?