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And if you’ve seen Dr. Betsy’s TEDx talk, and want more…
Below is the original blog post explaining the Running Leap, written by Dr. Betsy’s mom, Sandy.
Have you ever seen a child jump over a stream?
They usually don’t walk up to the stream, stop, and try to jump from there. They walk up, stop, and then back up far enough to get a running start.
Backing up enables them to take a Running Leap and successfully clear the stream without falling in and getting wet.
In that situation, you would never mistake a child backing up to take a Running Leap as backing away.
No parent would stop them and say, “Get back over there, and try again!” It’s obvious that they’re backing up to get what they need to succeed.
That makes backing up an integral part of the forward motion.
The drive to take challenges and the knowledge of what’s needed to master them is innate in children (and in us).
Here’s a scenario I saw three times one summer at three different swimming pools when the Running Leap first occurred to me. If you watch for it this summer after reading this post, you will surely see it, too. (Betsy did and shared it in her TEDx talk!)
A little child sees a big slide that sends kids flying into the pool with a splash! It looks like fun, so they go up to the top, look down, freeze with fear, and then turn to head back down the stairs.
Their concerned parent runs over and tries to convince them that it isn’t scary at all:
“It will be fun! Look, that little kid just did it and is laughing!”
This child isn’t having any of it, and despite their parents’ warning that they can’t go back down the stairs “because kids are lined up behind you,” they find their way down and head straight to the little slide intended for younger children.
Their parent, trying to save them from being left out in the future when all their friends are going down the big slide and they can’t (we think this!), says things like this:
“That slide is for babies! You don’t want people to think you are a baby, do you?”
Luckily, since children always set the right level of challenge for their own growth when given the opportunity to do so, despite their parents’ protests, the child continues to play on the smaller slide.
If you are worried, this could look like procrastination, avoidance, or regression, and confirm your worst fears. But when you know that your child is backing up instead of backing away, you can watch with confidence for signs of progress as they go down the little slide over and over.
When you do, you will see them moving from sliding tentatively to racing down headfirst. The little slide is the perfect place to build up their confidence and skills.
Forward motion is always there if you know to look for it!
Plus, while mastering the little slide, they will probably also be stealing glances at the kids going down the big slide — learning by watching, as kids do naturally.
When your child finally starts picturing themselves in the other child’s shoes, they will get up, go back to the big slide, and go down it… ALL ON THEIR OWN!
Time after time, that’s how the Running Leap works — no pushing needed.
Understanding the Running Leap enables you to confidently sit back and watch as your child backs up to get what they need to succeed.
Offering support instead of criticism becomes easy with Language of Listening®:
SAY WHAT YOU SEE: “You decided you needed more practice before going down the big slide. You found just the place. Look at you go down that little slide headfirst! Now you’re watching the other kids…”
STRENGTH: “You’ll know when you are ready to try the big slide again.”
Our fears and criticism result in children backing up even farther; encouragement helps them run forward more quickly and succeed twice as fast.
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When you watch for it, you will see the Running Leap in all learning situations, at all ages.
For example, when my daughter Betsy earned her PhD in Positive Developmental Psychology, along the way, she experienced two major Running Leaps. Recognizing the backing up that came with them as an integral part of her forward motion helped me support her with minimal fear.
The first was in 10th grade when she decided to pursue the difficult curriculum that her sister, Colleen, was completing — International Baccalaureate (IB). Betsy took AP US History as the first course. She’d seen the long hours her sister spent poring over the books on her own and with a serious study group, but thought it would take her less time since she was a highly proficient reader.
This was an important point for Betsy since she was (and still is) a very social person. She thrived in social situations. Her personal growth required spending a lot of free time with friends to recharge and gain strength.
As it turned out, the course was just as time-consuming for her as it was for her sister. This, combined with several other challenging classes, meant that for the entire school year, she had very little time for friends. And as the year wore on, I saw how stressful that was for her.
She had no time to back up and recharge.
When it came time to register for Junior-year courses, as hard as it was for her to step out of something she had already begun (she loves to complete things and is a high achiever), she decided not to continue the IB program. We all swallowed hard but knew it was the right choice.
Thank goodness I understood the Running Leap because the following year — the ‘most important’ academic year for college applicants — she spent more time with friends than with school work. I had to keep reminding myself that this was her backing up to get what she needed to succeed in college in a couple of years.
I was right.
After a year of what I might otherwise have seen as ‘goofing off,’ she took her senior year and the next four years of college seriously. She buckled down and stayed with it.
I truly believe that without that Junior year of backing up and getting the social time she needed for her growth, she would not have been able to continue straight on into college.
Then, after four more hard years of study to earn her B.A. in Psychology, came her next Running Leap.
Instead of going straight to graduate school for her Master’s degree, which she knew she needed in order to work in her chosen field, she took a year off. She moved to Florida near her cousin, worked a minimum wage job, and spent most of her time on the beach.
Having seen her previous Running Leap, I worried even less this time and was able to encourage and support her, knowing this was exactly what she needed to be able to succeed in whatever she did next… whether it was returning to school or not.
I have to say I was tickled pink to see how well it worked!
She told us that when her year-off was coming to a close, while doing the dishes one day this thought just popped into her head, “I’m going to get a Ph.D.”
Personal growth challenges work like that. They show up seemingly out of nowhere when you’re ready.
A decade later, Betsy defended her dissertation at Claremont Graduate University, officially earning her doctorate. Thanks to her two major Running Leaps, plus many smaller ones throughout grad school, she is now Dr. Betsy! Woo-hoo!
The Secret to Motivating Kids?
Do nothing.
What?! Watch Dr. Betsy explain what kids can teach us about motivation:
What if everything we think we know about motivation is exactly backwards?
In her TEDx talk, Dr. Betsy Blackard:
♥ Shows you a fresh perspective on how kids work
♥ Offers a new idea for helping kids tap into their intrinsic motivation
♥ Gives you proof (watch what this 14-month-old does!)
You may just find that you walk away with a new perspective on your own motivation as well!
Dr. Betsy uses Language of Listening’s simple, practical tools – like the Running Leap from her TEDx talk – to help parents get new results for everyday challenges.
To get the results you want:
Dr. Betsy Blackard is an expert in how kids work. She has worked closely with children for more than 20 years and has a PhD in Positive Developmental Psychology. Her research focused on the parent-child relationship, including how parents’ beliefs and behavior impact their children.
