Fostering Resiliency after a Soul-Crushing Event

Fostering Resiliency after a Soul-Crushing Event

Disappointments can be hard to handle, especially if they are your child's. It's even harder if you have the automatic urge to protect him or her from disappointment and make things all better. Here is a masterful and touching example written by Rachel Macy Stafford of what happens when you use Language of Listening® coaching skills to follow the child's lead instead.  I didn’t know my...

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Big Sister Tattling

Big Sister Tattling

Language of Listening® is a different way of speaking and thinking. It's a coaching language that takes you out of the role of managing your children's behavior, and puts you on their side as their life coach—letting them solve their own problems and helping them see their hidden STRENGTHs, so they can manage their own behavior. Here's a Q&A dialog I had with a mom (8-mo twins, 3 YO, 5...

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Motivation Formula—Part 2: When Kids Don’t Care About a Clean Room

Motivation Formula—Part 2: When Kids Don’t Care About a Clean Room

  Self-motivation is natural and automatic, unless you've been taught that it's "making yourself do something you don't want to do."  In my previous post, Motivation Formula & How to Use It—Part I, I explained what self-motivation actually is and how it works. My simple formula for self-motivation is: Want + Possible = Action  A reader tested this out and had a couple of questions...

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“Uh-oh! I think my arm needs a diaper!”

“Uh-oh! I think my arm needs a diaper!”

Toddlers objections to doing things we want them to do can show up in many ways. One of parents' least favorite ways is a tantrum. After reading my article NPR—What’s Behind A Temper Tantrum? a mom of a toddler asked me this (shared with permission): I have a 2.5 year old who has been acting out a lot lately especially with diaper changes. How I would use Language of Listening with a diaper...

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Motivation Formula & How to Use It

Motivation Formula & How to Use It

When my daughter Betsy was in middle school, she told me through a flood of tears that she was sure she had no self-motivation. She couldn't make herself do things she didn't want to do. Yep, that's the message I'd inadvertently been sending: making yourself do things you don't want to do IS self-motivation. Of course I was applying it to myself as well, and it led to a lot of anger and...

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“No! It’s mine!”—How to Respond When Other Parents Are Watching

“No! It’s mine!”—How to Respond When Other Parents Are Watching

The "it's mine" phase is difficult for most parents to handle, especially in front of other parents because many people still see it as selfish. Actually, it's simply natural and important for children to meet their need for power by controlling their things. Controlling things is a great way for them to do that, and way better than trying to control their parents, other kids, or grabbing other...

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