What’s Behind Whining?
What's behind whining? My answer, in a word, is powerlessness. If you think about it, children who are confident they can get what they want, ask; children who think asking won't work, whine. They have to because by nature, children are driven to communicate what they want, whether they can have it or not. This is explained by the first premise of Language of Listening®: Everything children...
Read MoreResponding to Accidents & Complaints
Coaching begins with listening for greatness. Here are two simple Language of Listening® coaching skills that can turn any challenging moment with a child or teen into a rewarding one. 1. Accidents: Validate the intention Your child's greatness can be found in their intentions. When a child makes a mistake or accidentally damages or breaks something, recognizing the child's true...
Read MoreNo Friends Allowed!
When you try to SAY WHAT YOU SEE, and "it doesn't work," that phrase tells you that you are trying to manage your child's behavior instead of coaching them. Kids can tell the difference, and so can you by their resistance. Here's my coaching for Ali from the UK on how to flip a no-way-out situation for her 5 YO into fun. Her little cousin was coming over whether she wanted her to or...
Read MoreDrawing Out a Withdrawn Child
When a child has become withdrawn, lost touch with his wishes and is unable to access joy, what do you do? Use Language of Listening coaching skills and watch the magic unfold. In a 4th grade leadership class, the topic was how to make your wishes come true. The children were to list important wishes/unimportant wishes, then list visioning/planning strategies and sub-strategies. Step #1 was...
Read MoreI want it NOW!
"I want it NOW!!!" This demand was a clear signal to Michelle Amriel, one of our instructors in training, to go beyond validation to meet her child's need for power. Here's her story: I had the opportunity to use Language of Listening this afternoon, and it worked like a charm :)) I asked my 5-year-old if he was hungry for dinner. He said, "Yes!" I said, "I'll start making it then." He...
Read MorePositive Guidance for Negative Self-Talk
I smiled when I received this glowing comment in my email from a Montessori guide and mom of 2: "Language of Listening" has been without a doubt THE MOST POWERFUL approach to working with children that I have ever encountered in my 9 years as a Montessori guide (and now 4 years as a parent). I could tell you so many stories about how it's helped me guide my very spirited 4-year old through the...
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