Posts by Sandy

Stubborn. Now what?

Stubborn. Now what?

Does stubbornness run in your family? If you are seeing it in your child, you might think they got it from you. Each time I am asked what to do about a stubborn child, my answer is the same: SAY WHAT YOU SEE®. Stubborn is one of those things that we are sure we "see," but is not really happening. However, it is what we are thinking. The descriptive nature of SAY WHAT YOU SEE gets you out of your...

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“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

Do you dread hearing, "I hate you. You're Mean!" from your normally sweet child? Here's what's behind it and a reply to turn things around. What's Behind It Kids often say "I hate you. You're Mean!" to parents, grandparents, or other children in a boundary situation when they can't do or have something they want. Particularly if that phrase troubles you or you have made it a taboo, they say it...

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Bedtime—Kicking to Stay Awake

Bedtime—Kicking to Stay Awake

Question: My son basically only hits /pinches/ kicks to avoid going to sleep. Any advice on how to facilitate this behavior without facilitating the procrastination? (For instance, if I redirect him to kick the bed instead of me, then he'll kick the bed for literally half an hour or more if I let him, no matter how tired he is).—Mom (child age 2), Austin, TX Answer: Thank you for your...

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Dismantling Problems

Dismantling Problems

Not all problems are problems, unless you are an imperfectionist. Then all problems are equal, and each one "has to" be fixed. When I woke up staring at the dead bugs in my ceiling lamp, I suddenly realized that despite all the growth I've had around perfectionism, at first glance, I was still seeing problems everywhere I looked! Little ones and big ones that all needed to be solved—dead...

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Fight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom

Fight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom

Our fight-flight-freeze response is much maligned. An article in Psychology Today says this "survival-oriented acute stress response" offers three options that amount to: battle, escaping, or becoming paralyzed and "numbing out." All three have negative connotations in our culture; and since none rely on reason, no wonder we see this fight-flight-freeze response as a primitive piece of mental...

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