When your child feels overwhelmed…
Does your child come home from school too overwhelmed for homework or even for ‘fun’ structured after-school activities?
Consider that your child may be right.
Remember the Language of Listening® premise:
Children set exactly the right level of challenge for growth.
Children who won’t get off the couch, or if they do, seem to drag themselves to the homework table or afterschool activities but then ‘just goof off,’ are probably right.
They are overwhelmed from spending all day facing challenges they didn’t set.
Notice I said ‘back up’ not ‘back away.’
This is the same as outdoors when they back up a few steps before taking a Running Leap over a creek or ditch.
Kids know exactly how far to back up to ensure success.
As long as they don’t feel pushed into the challenge, kids will back up, try, adjust the ‘distance,’ and try again until they succeed. Push them, and they just might have to prove they can’t.
Not the result you wanted.
The same is true in daily life. Children can only face possible failure so many times without turning to something that builds their confidence — doodling, pencil-spinning, making others laugh, turning to simpler tasks, zoning out to daydream… You can bet their daydreams are not about more hard work!
My niece put it succinctly one day after school when she came over for her weekly art class with me. She said:
“I just want to do something I’m good at!”
We switched gears and did a power playtime instead where she led the play and set challenges that were right for her. 30 minutes later she tackled a small art project, then went home for dinner and homework.
It turns out that even adjusting the format was backing up, because after sticking with half-playtime/half-art for a few weeks, she was ready to dive fully back into art classes.
Even if you don’t have 30 minutes to stop and SAY WHAT YOU SEE® while your child plays, honoring your child’s need to succeed by scheduling time for them to decompress and be self-led will help. Pointing out their natural Running Leap strategy as a STRENGTH will help even more.
SWYS (during): “Looks like you are looking for something to do that you are good at.”
STRENGTH (after): “Looks like you knew exactly what you needed to do to be able to return to your work.”
Just remember what my niece said. The same is true for everyone.
When I feel like I can’t get anything done, I do puzzles. What is your Running Leap strategy? Your child’s?
Recognizing what you do when you back up can help you return to run forward twice as fast!
