Posts Tagged "like"

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

Do you dread hearing, "I hate you. You're Mean!" from your normally sweet child? Here's what's behind it and a reply to turn things around. What's Behind It Kids often say "I hate you. You're Mean!" to parents, grandparents, or other children in a boundary situation when they can't do or have something they want. Particularly if that phrase troubles you or you have made it a taboo, they say it...

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Dismantling Problems

Dismantling Problems

Not all problems are problems, unless you are an imperfectionist. Then all problems are equal, and each one "has to" be fixed. When I woke up staring at the dead bugs in my ceiling lamp, I suddenly realized that despite all the growth I've had around perfectionism, at first glance, I was still seeing problems everywhere I looked! Little ones and big ones that all needed to be solved—dead...

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Removing Judgment—A Simple Exercise

Removing Judgment—A Simple Exercise

  This really happened: SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS): “You are biting my shirt.”   (I didn’t like that.)   CAN DO: “That’s not OK with me. Must be something else you can bite. Hmm. Here, you can bite this!”   I offered the child the hem of his own shirt. He looked at me, grinned, then bit his own shirt. He walked around with his shirt in his mouth for a few minutes,...

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Hidden Cause of Your Reactions

Hidden Cause of Your Reactions

"You make me feel..." is not how it works. We are interrelated. Someone says something and you react, but the mechanism is misunderstood. There is a hidden middle step. We each have our own perceptions of the world, and though it seems that we react to what happens around us, our reactions actually come from our perceptions and interpretations instead.  For example, my grandmother hated...

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How Things Really Work

How Things Really Work

"Do what you should, and things will work out." Does that sound familiar to you? When this belief statement came up in a private coaching session with a client I recognized it immediately because I was raised to believe it, too. "Do what you should, and things will work out," was touted as the basic formula for success and was a close relative of the mid-western work ethic of "hard...

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