Posts Tagged "pressure"
No Friends Allowed!
When you try to SAY WHAT YOU SEE, and "it doesn't work," that phrase tells you that you are trying to manage your child's behavior instead of coaching them. Kids can tell the difference, and so can you by their resistance. Here's my coaching for Ali from the UK on how to flip a no-way-out situation for her 5 YO into fun. Her little cousin was coming over whether she wanted her to or...
Read MoreHow To Help a Perfectionist Child
Saying, "That's OK. It doesn't have to be perfect," does not help a perfectionist child. I explain why in this Q&A with a mother of a 12-year-old perfectionist daughter, though the explanation applies to most ages. Question: My biggest issue is my precious 12-year-old girl. She is a delight with a heart of gold and a perfectionist – however that is her down fall. She takes what...
Read MoreWhere “Shoulds” Come From (and how to send them back)
Are your "shoulds" really yours? When a "should" comes from you, you nod when you speak it, feel validated when you hear it, and are often willing to fight to defend it, as in, "I should be able to do what I love!" By contrast, "shoulds" that are not yours create feelings of pressure and self-doubt, as in "I should be doing more." So how do you pick up guilty "shoulds," how can you send them...
Read MoreUnraveling Tension
What do you do when something just has to get done, and you and your child get all knotted up over it? Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting and co-author of The Art of Roughhousing, suggests this, reprinted from his newsletter with permission. His analogy of an actual "knot" helps you unravel the tension. The Knot of Tension A Knot of Tension is a set of distressing...
Read MoreThe Brilliance of “I can’t”
Who thought I'd ever have anything good to say about my life-long complaint: "I can't." C'mon. Even the coaching approach I designed has CAN DOs. But I'm starting to see its brilliance: it's my get-out-of trouble card. I'm currently in Carolyn Scarborough's Backyard Pearls Writing Telecourse. I signed up because I always wanted to work with her and thought it would help me complete my second...
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