Posts Tagged "should"

Removing Judgment—A Simple Exercise

Removing Judgment—A Simple Exercise

  This really happened: SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS): “You are biting my shirt.”   (I didn’t like that.)   CAN DO: “That’s not OK with me. Must be something else you can bite. Hmm. Here, you can bite this!”   I offered the child the hem of his own shirt. He looked at me, grinned, then bit his own shirt. He walked around with his shirt in his mouth for a few minutes,...

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How Things Really Work

How Things Really Work

"Do what you should, and things will work out." Does that sound familiar to you? When this belief statement came up in a private coaching session with a client I recognized it immediately because I was raised to believe it, too. "Do what you should, and things will work out," was touted as the basic formula for success and was a close relative of the mid-western work ethic of "hard...

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Where “Shoulds” Come From (and how to send them back)

Where “Shoulds” Come From (and how to send them back)

Are your "shoulds" really yours? When a "should" comes from you, you nod when you speak it, feel validated when you hear it, and are often willing to fight to defend it, as in, "I should be able to do what I love!" By contrast, "shoulds" that are not yours create feelings of pressure and self-doubt, as in "I should be doing more." So how do you pick up guilty "shoulds," how can you send them...

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Should I End Indecision, Or…?

Should I End Indecision, Or…?

I have always been indecisive. I like to joke that it's because of my astrological sign:  Libra (the scales) which is all about weighing options. According to an astrology website, "Libra's indecisiveness is caused by the fear that a wrong decision will...cause turmoil in their lives." Sounds about right. Another classic case of my ambiguity is my name. My own mom didn't like decisions either,...

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