blog
Rage Reversal—Getting Kids Heard
In an instant, his world flipped 180 degrees. My son transformed from serene and peaceful to boiling rage. My mouth collapsed to the concrete as I stood in the parking lot of my daughter’s preschool. His voice thundered. His eyes intensified. His face turned crimson red. On the outside I was fighting to stay calm, but on the inside I was terrified. His anger explosions seem to come out of the blue. Of course, being late to pick up my daughter and feeling like other parents were intensely staring me down wasn’t helping any. The hidden...
read moreFight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom
Our fight-flight-freeze response is much maligned. An article in Psychology Today says this "survival-oriented acute stress response" offers three options that amount to: battle, escaping, or becoming paralyzed and "numbing out." All three have negative connotations in our culture; and since none rely on reason, no wonder we see this fight-flight-freeze response as a primitive piece of mental programming we should try to overcome. Some people put a lot of effort into overcoming it especially in anxious moments where the threat is imagined....
read moreStop Your Own Knee-Jerk Habits
When your child does something that scares you, is your knee-jerk reaction a yell or even a swat? Even if you are firmly committed to a peaceful home and a great relationship with your child, if you were raised with yelling and spanking, they can be extremely hard reactions to overcome. Our simple coaching skills can help. In the grocery store this week I saw this play out with a dad and his toddler son. His little boy was walking beside the grocery cart and his infant daughter was in her car seat in the...
read moreWhen your kid runs away from you—and it’s not funny
Guest post reprinted with permission by Tracy Cutchlow of zerotofive.net. Q: One morning this week, we were on a walk and my toddler took off running down the sidewalk. I was wearing his 3-week-old brother in a baby carrier, which limited my ability to chase him. I called several times for him (with increasing intensity) to stop and wait for mamma. (Also tried saying "Red: stop," which usually works.) He eventually started pausing to look at me and then just took off again in a playful, nearly taunting, way. (So he heard...
read moreAlarmed by a Child’s Cries?
My first-born's cries actually scared me. Now I know why: Bringing an adult perspective to children's emotions is scary. Janet Lansbury makes this point brilliantly in her post "I think I've Ruined My Child:" "Their tears, screams and tantrums can be alarming, maddening and guilt-inducing for parents if we make the common mistake of seeing from an adult perspective. Yes, when an adult screams, yells or cries it is serious cause for alarm, but children don’t have our emotional self-control or advanced language skills..." When I read that,...
read moreDo-Overs to the Rescue!
"It's not what you do that matters most. It's what you do AFTER what you do."—Dr. Garry Landreth Have you ever wished you could rebuild your relationship with your child after having said or done things you didn't like? You can! Here are 5 tips for rebuilding your connection and your relationship: 1. The first step is ALWAYS listening with your eyes and ears. This step helps you understand the child's perspective, underlying motivation, wish, and intention while helping you remain objective and calm. Listening, observing, and objectively...
read moreGetting Back on the Same Team
You know those days with your children when nothing you do or say seems to work, when no validation of their wants is enough, and every tiny thing that comes up turns into a huge drama? I do, and I can assure you it feels so frustrating! There are days I feel like nothing is enough to fill the enormous need for power my kids have, especially my older daughter. There are few things that trigger me as much as feeling helpless, feeling that none of the things I want matter to anybody at all. Yep, that's a big one for me! And then I feel this...
read moreTwo Sticks and a Do-Over
Guest post by Zuzana, a graduate of our Coaches Training Program: We were on our way to a shop. The ground was covered by fresh snow, and my two sons (4 yr and 18 mo) were scribbling pictures into snowdrifts with sticks they found under the old chestnut tree. They were laughing, running, having fun. Before we entered the shop, I asked boys to find a place to leave their sticks. Mike, the older one, placed his stick on the stone fence. George followed his lead. We bought what we needed, and when we came out the boys collected their...
read moreRemoving Judgment—A Simple Exercise
This really happened: SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS): “You are biting my shirt.” (I didn’t like that.) CAN DO: “That’s not OK with me. Must be something else you can bite. Hmm. Here, you can bite this!” I offered the child the hem of his own shirt. He looked at me, grinned, then bit his own shirt. He walked around with his shirt in his mouth for a few minutes, then was done. SWYS: “You bit that until you were done.” (I liked that.) STRENGTH: “You like biting cloth. You knew what...
read moreRethinking Gratitude
Is gratitude missing in your home? This mom thought so until she took a closer look. QUESTION: I’ve had identical parenting woe conversations with a few friends recently. We all have only children from 4 to 8-years-old and are struggling with instilling a sense of gratitude within them. We don’t want to take belongings away as that doesn’t work and is a negative spin. I’m thinking this is not just our struggle.—Brooke (daughter 6) BC, Canada ANSWER: See if this perspective helps. Think of it not as instilling but...
read moreSay What You See® Book
Mobile Video Classes
Talk to a Coach
Proud Mama Ad
