Alarmed by a Child’s Cries?
My first-born's cries actually scared me. Now I know why: Bringing an adult perspective to children's emotions is scary. Janet Lansbury makes this point brilliantly in her post "I think I've Ruined My Child:" "Their tears, screams and tantrums can be alarming, maddening and guilt-inducing for parents if we make the common mistake of seeing from an adult perspective. Yes, when an adult...
Read MoreGetting Back on the Same Team
You know those days with your children when nothing you do or say seems to work, when no validation of their wants is enough, and every tiny thing that comes up turns into a huge drama? I do, and I can assure you it feels so frustrating! There are days I feel like nothing is enough to fill the enormous need for power my kids have, especially my older daughter. There are few things that trigger...
Read MoreRemoving Judgment—A Simple Exercise
This really happened: SAY WHAT YOU SEE (SWYS): “You are biting my shirt.” (I didn’t like that.) CAN DO: “That’s not OK with me. Must be something else you can bite. Hmm. Here, you can bite this!” I offered the child the hem of his own shirt. He looked at me, grinned, then bit his own shirt. He walked around with his shirt in his mouth for a few minutes,...
Read MoreRethinking Gratitude
Is gratitude missing in your home? This mom thought so until she took a closer look. QUESTION: I’ve had identical parenting woe conversations with a few friends recently. We all have only children from 4 to 8-years-old and are struggling with instilling a sense of gratitude within them. We don’t want to take belongings away as that doesn’t work and is a negative spin....
Read MoreParenting Anger: Is it me or them?
It had been a day filled with tantrums, power struggles, and testing, testing, testing. I felt like I was doing all the right things, listening to my kids’ feelings, validating their experience, and extending my patience well beyond what I should need to do. Yet, everything I did felt like the wrong thing. I cut the toast wrong. Hurried them out the door too quickly. Buckled the car seat...
Read MoreHidden Cause of Your Reactions
"You make me feel..." is not how it works. We are interrelated. Someone says something and you react, but the mechanism is misunderstood. There is a hidden middle step. We each have our own perceptions of the world, and though it seems that we react to what happens around us, our reactions actually come from our perceptions and interpretations instead. For example, my grandmother hated...
Read MoreSay What You See® Book
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