The Perfect Response to “I want…”
"Being heard is more than a basic human need. It's the key to connecting with our inner greatness and unleashing our full potential."—Sandy Blackard You will often hear me say that what you like and what you love is who you are at any moment. What you want comes from there and determines the right level of challenge for your growth. What you want not only guides you on your path, but it is...
Read MoreStubborn. Now what?
Does stubbornness run in your family? If you are seeing it in your child, you might think they got it from you. Each time I am asked what to do about a stubborn child, my answer is the same: SAY WHAT YOU SEE®. Stubborn is one of those things that we are sure we "see," but is not really happening. However, it is what we are thinking. The descriptive nature of SAY WHAT YOU SEE gets you out of your...
Read More“I hate you. You’re mean!”
Do you dread hearing, "I hate you. You're mean!" from your normally sweet child? Here's what's behind it and a reply to turn things around. What's Behind It Kids often say "I hate you. You're mean!" to parents, grandparents, or other children in a boundary situation when they can't do or have something they want. Particularly if that phrase troubles you or you have made it a taboo, they say it to...
Read MoreDismantling Problems
Not all problems are problems, unless you are an imperfectionist. Then all problems are equal, and each one "has to" be fixed. When I woke up staring at the dead bugs in my ceiling lamp, I suddenly realized that despite all the growth I've had around perfectionism, at first glance, I was still seeing problems everywhere I looked! Little ones and big ones that all needed to be solved—dead...
Read MoreFight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom
Our fight-flight-freeze response is much maligned. An article in Psychology Today says this "survival-oriented acute stress response" offers three options that amount to: battle, escaping, or becoming paralyzed and "numbing out." All three have negative connotations in our culture; and since none rely on reason, no wonder we see this fight-flight-freeze response as a primitive piece of mental...
Read MoreStop Your Own Knee-Jerk Habits
When your child does something that scares you, is your knee-jerk reaction a yell or even a swat? Even if you are firmly committed to a peaceful home and a great relationship with your child, if you were raised with yelling and spanking, they can be extremely hard reactions to overcome. Our simple coaching skills can help. In the grocery store this week I saw this play out with a dad...
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