“I want it NOW!!!”
This demand was a clear signal to Michelle Amriel, one of our instructors in training, to go beyond validation to meet her child’s need for power. Here’s her story:
I had the opportunity to use Language of Listening this afternoon, and it worked like a charm :))
I asked my 5-year-old if he was hungry for dinner. He said, “Yes!” I said, “I’ll start making it then.” He said, “I want it NOW!!! I’m really hungry!” and started whining in the voice that tells me his need for power isn’t getting met.
So I said, “You are so hungry and want it to be ready now! You don’t like waiting!” He was yelling at this point.
Then I thought…I’m going to make this fun and playful. “You really want me to hear that you’re hungry,” I said to him. “I bet you can say that louder so I can hear you better.” He stopped. His entire mood shifted from whiny and powerless to ‘this is fun.’ He started to smile then said it louder. I said, “Boy…that was even louder!” Now it was a game to him, and I felt his need for power being met.
Then I said, “You wish we could snap our fingers and dinner would be made,” and he started thinking of other things he wished could be ready without waiting :-)))
It was great :-)) Had to share 🙂
Can you identify which steps of Language of Listening Michelle used to change this challenging moment into a rewarding one?
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I asked my 5-year-old if he was hungry for dinner. He said, “Yes!” I said, “I’ll start making it then.” He said, “I want it NOW!!!! I’m really hungry!” and started whining in the voice that tells me his need for power isn’t getting met.
[SAY WHAT YOU SEE – Wants/Likes] So I said, “You are so hungry and want it to be ready now! You don’t like waiting!” He was yelling at this point.
[CAN DO – Game] Then I thought…I’m going to make this fun and playful. ‘You really want me to hear that you’re hungry,” I said to him. “I bet you can say that louder so I can hear you better.” He stopped. His entire mood shifted from whiny and powerless to ‘this is fun.’ He started to smile then said it louder. I said, “Boy…that was even louder!” Now it was a game to him, and I felt his need for power being met.
[CAN DO – Wishes] Then I said, “You wish we could snap our fingers and dinner would be made.” Then he started thinking of other things he wished could be ready without waiting :-)))
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