Posts Tagged "need for power"

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

“I hate you. You’re Mean!”

Do you dread hearing, "I hate you. You're Mean!" from your normally sweet child? Here's what's behind it and a reply to turn things around. What's Behind It Kids often say "I hate you. You're Mean!" to parents, grandparents, or other children in a boundary situation when they can't do or have something they want. Particularly if that phrase troubles you or you have made it a taboo, they say it...

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Fight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom

Fight-Flight-Freeze: A Natural Ladder from Anxiety to Freedom

Our fight-flight-freeze response is much maligned. An article in Psychology Today says this "survival-oriented acute stress response" offers three options that amount to: battle, escaping, or becoming paralyzed and "numbing out." All three have negative connotations in our culture; and since none rely on reason, no wonder we see this fight-flight-freeze response as a primitive piece of mental...

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Getting Back on the Same Team

Getting Back on the Same Team

You know those days with your children when nothing you do or say seems to work, when no validation of their wants is enough, and every tiny thing that comes up turns into a huge drama? I do, and I can assure you it feels so frustrating! There are days I feel like nothing is enough to fill the enormous need for power my kids have, especially my older daughter. There are few things that trigger...

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Drawing Out a Withdrawn Child

Drawing Out a Withdrawn Child

When a child has become withdrawn, lost touch with his wishes and is unable to access joy, what do you do? Use Language of Listening coaching skills and watch the magic unfold. In a 4th grade leadership class, the topic was how to make your wishes come true. The children were to list important wishes/unimportant wishes, then list visioning/planning strategies and sub-strategies. Step #1 was...

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I want it NOW!

I want it NOW!

"I want it NOW!!!" This demand was a clear signal to Michelle Amriel, one of our instructors in training, to go beyond validation to meet her child's need for power. Here's her story: I had the opportunity to use Language of Listening this afternoon, and it worked like a charm :))   I asked my 5-year-old if he was hungry for dinner. He said, "Yes!" I said, "I'll start making it then." He...

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